| I was robbed last Friday afternoon. Someone came into the rectory in Boulder in the afternoon whenno one but the dog was there, and took $500 from my room. I had the money stored in two different places. The room was otherwise hardly disturbed. I sense the person knew where to look. I feel stupid for having money there, but I had been doing it for years in various places where I have lived. Some of it is money I earned, some for giving away, some for fun, and some for emergencies. I guess that's all gone! I also feel angry, frightened, sad and anxious. I will have to deal with these feelings and process them. The Gospel is a real challenge now. If this robbery feels like an inside job, then the challenge to love the neighbor is quite daunting. I don't very much feel like loving my neighbor right now. I looked at other parts of this Gospel and saw that I am supposed to love my neighbor as myself. Well, I am not loving myself much now either. I am beating up on myself for being so stupid. Jesus is pointing out where I might need to go in my spiritual life, not where I must be now. He is giving me some direction. For now, if I can forgive myself for being imperfect, that is, stupid, then maybe I can begin to love myself a bit and that may carry over to getting to love my neighbor. Jesus forgives me for being imperfect. He loves me, but he knows that when I can live out the golden rule better, I will ultimately be happier and more fulfilled. I looked at the first part of the Gospel. It says that God ought to be the focus of my life. Love God with all of me. But lately, I have been focusing upon my health problems and me. I have been having a bit of a raspy voice for quite some time. I make a living talking. I just found out that I have inflamed vocal cords and reflux acid to boot. For quite some time into the future I will have to talk with an “indoor” voice, quiet and soft, and speak right into the mic. No speaking in loud places or where there is no amplification. How will I make a living? Now I have been robbed too. I have called upon God to help me, but that is not the same as making God the center of my life. I am the center of my life right now in my thoughts and feelings. Again, the Gospel is pointing a direction for me. Accept where I am, but know where I might be invited to go. With patience and some effort each day, focused at least upon the goal, I might get there. Jesus is saying that I will be living in the kingdom more and more as I get closer to living the great commandment. Thank God for a gentle and patient. |
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