BEING LIKED

FR. TERRY RYAN, CSP
Matthew 2: 13-15, 19-23
December 30, 2007
Feast Of The Holy Family

My big sister, Maureen, tried to teach me important things when I was a little boy. My response was, “I hate you.” For instance, in the late afternoon, I longed for some treats that were in a kitchen drawer, easily accessible for a little boy to reach. Maureen would say, “No, you cannot have candy. It will spoil your appetite for dinner.” My response to this lesson in deprivation was, “I hate you.” Another instance was around spinach. God created spinach and my taste buds. They were not compatible. I think that spinach is an acquired taste. It can be learned, but I did not care for it. Maureen would say, “Eat your spinach or else I will fix you.” I knew what she meant by fixing me. I said, “I hate you,” as I reluctantly and resentfully ate my spinach.

Fortunately, my sister did not much care if I liked her. She was fulfilling her function of being a big sister who was trying to teach her self-centered little brother valuable lessons that would help him should he ever grow up. I thank her now. I learned that it is not good for me to eat sugar before dinner, and that I need to eat my greens. Had I thought that Maureen wanted me above all to like her, then I would have manipulated the situation to get what I want or avoid what I did not want.

Jesus did not seem to worry much about being liked. He was crucified. The political and some religious leaders did not like him. Had he tried to please them all the time, he would not have been Jesus, nor have saved us from ourselves. Even the disciples got upset with him. When there was a storm on the sea, Jesus stayed asleep in the boat and the disciples got upset with him that he did not get up and help them. Jesus used this instance to teach them about faith and trust.

In the Gospel, Joseph did not worry about whether he would upset Mary by waking her in the middle of the night to go to Egypt . If he feared being disliked, and did nothing, the baby would have been killed. At the Annunciation, Mary did not say to the the angel that she would rather not be the Mother of Jesus, for fear of upsetting Joseph and the rest of her village. Neither she nor Joseph seemed to worry much about being liked. This freed them up to be who God meant them to be in God's plan for our salvation.

Holiness is becoming all who God meant us to be. To the extent that we worry about being liked, we give up something of who we are in God's image. The teenager or adolescent, who wants to fit into a group, may well give up of something good and unique in himself or herself, for the sake of “harmony.” This is not the peace of which Jesus speaks. If we participate in gossip and judgment of people outside our group, we may well be liked within our group, but we will not be who God wants us to be.

A holy family, or holy community is one in which each is trying to be the best that God wants them to be. This means that at times we are the prophetic voice in the family or community that says things that are right, but others do not want to hear. I honor my father because he taught me things that I needed to learn, even though at the time, I did not care for the lessons. Had I grown up and found out that he had failed to teach me these lessons for fear that I would not like him, then I doubt that I would honor him today as much as I do.

Sometimes, when someone says, “I hate you,” it might be a sign that we are doing our job of being Christ in the world.